BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Sometimes I think my life is falling, head first down that slippery slope,
Past the point of no return, in the dog days of my horoscope.
Nothing left at the end of the abyss but detritus and dregs,
My soul is slipping fast away, it seems to have lost its sea legs.

And yet I keep on pushing forward, still I keep milling about,
Still content to give my life the benefit of the doubt.
Still trusting I will one day get it right, still hoping one day the stars will align,
Still hoping that the universe will send me some kind of hopeful sign.
Not knowing just how long I’ll wait before I give up hope,
Not knowing if I have the skills to carry on and cope.

Sometimes I think my friends are leaving me and leaving far too soon.
Out of the frying pan into the fire, the cow goes over the moon.
Swiftly, fruitlessly I do my best, to block their path and make them stay.
But desperation, it does not become me, and off they go on their merry way.

Yet I keep making excuses for them, still I keep the lantern out,
Still I give my cherished friends the benefit of the doubt.
Still trusting they will one day come, with their kindness and their merry talk,
Still hoping that like Jack and the giant we will climb that mammoth beanstalk,
And merge our fortunes into one, the cherished dawn, the rising sun.
Time will slow and then stand still, like roses in my windowsill,
And love will blossom yet again, for me and all my wayward friends.

Sometimes I think my doctors hate me, hiding things, leaving things unsaid,
That I am poor and stupid and a tad sick in the head.
Incapable of understanding the slightest little truth,
Sometimes I think my doctors are just a tad uncouth.
Sometimes I take to muttering, how in the hell can it be,
That time spent in their presence means so much money lost to me.
The great big gulf between what they do and the fees that they do charge,
A great big awesome mountain gorge, so gaping and so large.

Still I purse my upper lip and leave it stiff and hanging out,
Still I give my doctors the benefit of the doubt.
Still trusting they will one day learn to speak in terms I understand,
And unleash the science in their art, disease and its ravages safe in their hands.

Sometimes I think my life is falling, I hear the angels sweetly calling,
I hear the horns of heaven blowing and I hear God’s messengers as they shout,
I hear the sound of my own name being tossed and bandied about.
To the heavenly host I surrender the ghost, no more benefits of the doubt.

-Bruce Potts
Copyright 2011
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED