STREETS WHERE I DREAM
Haunted it seems are the streets where I dream,
The tunnels and the labyrinths through which I scheme,
The dusty, dim lit thoroughfares I walk a wounded misfit,
Not knowing where life ends or where my death begins,
Not knowing, alas, if I care a whit.
Care a whit for the sound of my tires swirling in the muck,
The ground up debris of what used to be me,
Before I gave up on my living and luck.
Cursed they be, the streets where I dream,
Or the streets where I hide in my nightmare.
Where I wake from my dreaming drenched and screaming,
And find alas there is nobody there.
Except the eyes of my lover fair who sees me through it all.
He cannot pacify me, I must go alone,
Tumbling like some reckless stone,
Down the mighty rabbit hole that I nightly fall.
Hushed and hidden away are my deepest fears,
The snake that coils around the neck,
The doctors commenting on the health of my heart,
They listen but can’t find a beat,
At the finish line before I start,
I taste the bitter and long for the remembered sweet.
Cracked and crumbling are the streets where I dream,
A bitter end where REM is laced with fear and danger.
Where at every turn, there’s a hell that burns
And an unforgiving stranger.
The streets where I slave and misbehave,
Destroying all vestige of hope and sleep,
A strange medieval museum slave,
I wake in a web where the mesh is deep.
Tangled like a vampire’s prey, I lie here and I waste away,
A man once so imposing and now so small and slight,
So willing to throw down the rubber gloves,
Surrendering without a fight.
The streets where I dream are grim and paved with hot coals,
The coals of recrimination, the coals of fear and blame,
The streets where I dream are a color scheme
Of viscous dark crimson where my spirit lies slain.
Where the lost coins are tossed in a messy blur,
Into the holy trinity of all that they once were.
Haunted it seems are the streets where I dream,
The dusty dim lit thoroughfares I walk a wounded misfit.
Not knowing where life ends or where my death begins,
Not knowing, alas, if I care a whit.
-Bruce Potts
Copyright 2012
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
"The streets where I dream are a color scheme
ReplyDeleteOf viscous dark crimson where my spirit lies slain."
Vivid, visceral.
Dream life has really haunted Michael over the years. We stopped sharing a bed because he would try to "rescue" me from bad guys in the night by heaving me off the bed! Or I was the enemy and I'd get punched in the back. Dangerous stuff! I'm guessing the Sinemet is probably responsible for a lot of it.
I take clonazepam which I hear is the medicine of choice for sleep behavior disorder. The snake around my neck was one of my first nightmares, and recently the team of doctors consulting about the "health of my heart". Oftentimes Kyle will sleep down the hall due to my restlessness, most recently last night. But so far my dreams have not been fiery or as violent as Michael's-and here's hoping it stays that way! Thanks, as always, for reading, Claire, and commenting!
ReplyDeleteI could feel the varied levels of sleep-time anguish the subject describes. Its as though he has been fighting this nightly battle for a very long time, it hasn't just happened. And the combination of troubles has been such a hideous burden to bear, that over time he has become stronger spiritually. As if he cannot even escape the harsh pain even in dreams, that it's everywhere. Nightmares used to frighten me at times, but now, even during them I have started a rebellious attitude, as if to say "bring it on - it can't be any worse than any other time!' Sounds strange but after trying to live with severe anxiety right before sleep (and immediately upon waking)for a few years now, the pain has killed any fear and led to pure indifference.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! And you are dead on when you say it's been a long term struggle. I've had this condition since I was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2001. Some scientists believe that acting out one's dreams is a precursor that predicts future development of the disease. In my case, I think my PD got diagnosed BEFORE the sleep behavior disorder!
ReplyDeleteAs you know Bruce, this subject facinates me both professionally and personally. The other night I had a work dream (always a nightmare when I dream about work lol) and INSIDE my dream I told the people that I had had situations like this at work before, but always it was just a dream. I wish I still worked at the sleep lab in Richmond...the dr's there were more knowledgeable about other sleep disorders beyond sleep apnea and I'd be interested in disucssing the connection between PD and RBD. You sure do have a way of painting a mental picture with your words....a true talent!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Drew. Much, much appreciated! A lot of researchers have suggested that sufferers from REM sleep behavior disorder go on to develop PD within five years. There are studies on the Internet that speak to the connection.
ReplyDelete