LITTLE FAT GIRL FROM MARTINSBURG

LITTLE FAT GIRL FROM MARTINSBURG

All hail to thee, Ms. Suzanne Lee, with your saucy Southern twang
And your ample physique,
Not to mention your gift of gab and your healthy helping of feminine mystique.
I loved you from day one, when first you crossed my soft heart’s threshold,
Your kind and friendly kisses, your bear hugs strong and bold.

All hail to thee, my friend most dear, married to the handsome Larry,
Who all by himself is a treasure to see,
Who suffers erectile dysfunction for me,
And who is I’m sure shocked and amazed,
At how much I consume at restaurant buffets.

All hail to thee, and thy sprightly dog Darren,
Whose humping is renowned and revered in the doggy kingdom.
Who when he does it to guests must scare them,
Until they find it’s just his way of being kind, albeit randy,
And offering up your leg to him is a treat as sweet as candy.

All hail to thee, Ms. Suzanne Lee, who calls them as she sees them,
Who does not care for hypocrites in this or any season.
Who is loyal as the day as long, one of the only friends within my life,
That I would feel secure to call in the middle of the night.
But only in an emergency, such as if the Viagra worked too well,
And my hard-on it would not go down and you know what began to swell.
And I don’t know what you would do, in a moment so bizarre,
But hopefully you would hop half dressed into your cute gay car
And whiz on down the interstate into the night so dark and barren,
But I hope thou dost not do to me what you did to doggy Darren.
And if the state police should stop thee as thou speed along thy way,
Just say you’re a friend indeed to a friend in need on his most hardest day,
And leave him in the dust as you know you must and make tracks down that highway.

All hail to thee, Ms. Suzanne Lee, I love you beyond words,
And consider this my ode to thee, the little fat girl from Martinsburg.

-BRUCE POTTS
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